Select Page

Blog

Coping with Sibling Rivalry

Even when your children get along really well there are still going to be moments of sibling rivalry; tempers rise and suddenly you find yourself with a battle on your hands. Personality clashes can erupt over anything and generally occur totally out of the blue. Jealousy is usually the greatest cause of rivalry and it can be triggered by a perceived lack of attention or may centre around particular toys and clothes. In fact, children can bicker over pretty much anything!

Easing your children over these bouts of ill temper can be stressful, and with this in mind we have compiled a few simple tips on how to deal with sibling rivalry without resorting to bribery, tearing your hair out, or issuing threats.

Distraction

Distraction is a great short-term solution for solving sudden sibling rivalry, particularly when the children are young:

  • Devise some fun activities, games or crafts to distract the children from their dispute.
  • Improvise a snack time or a story telling session to calm things down.
  • Go for a walk and/or visit the park to get some fresh air – open spaces can be very calming.

Doing something nice together will re-focus their energies back to the positives rather than the negatives. If they simply won’t work together on something then organise separate activities for a short time.

Praise

Praise and affirmation of how much your children mean to you will make them feel secure. Often it is insecurity that leads to sibling rivalry.

  • The more you praise your children when they are playing nicely together, the more their behaviour will improve.
  • Provide regular and equal amounts of praise and attention and they will learn to recognise and repeat the behaviour that you expect from them.

Celebrate the Individual

Your children may be similar but they will never be exactly the same. Their personal hobbies and interests, likes and dislikes should always be taken into consideration:

  • Encourage each child in their own hobbies and activities but also encourage joint activities where possible.
  • Provide a joint goal but give each child an activity which plays to their strength. Working together to achieve an end result will provide bonding opportunities and they may learn things about each other along the way.
  • They may not be good at the same things but they can praise and support each other’s achievements even if that just means watching each other play a sport or act in a play.

Not all sibling rivalry is harmless and when left unchecked it can lead to more serious long-term fighting. To avoid this happening you could:

  • Monitor your own behaviour – you may be unconsciously comparing one child to the other.
  • Don’t ever take sides – listen to all grievances equally seriously even if one child seems particularly upset, angry or aggressive – try to understand the root cause of the rift so that you can help to solve it.
  • Although it is entirely natural for children to feel jealous of one another at times, it is vitally important that you don’t show any favouritism that encourages these feelings.
  • Make sure that you spend quality time with each child together and individually to show them that they are all equally loved.
  • Always explain and help them to understand what types of behaviour you will not accept – shouting and violence are obviously key taboos.
  • Children who share a room seem to fight more than those with their own space. To keep things equal, each child should have their own place to keep treasured items, toys and clothes.
  • When arguments are particularly aggressive try to encourage your children to focus on the positives that are gained from having each other.

Children are not born knowing how to deal with their feelings and they don’t intuitively know the difference between good and bad behaviour. It is our responsibility as parents, carers and other key adults to teach them how to behave well and treat each other kindly and with respect.

Sibling rivalry may be perfectly normal but dealing with it is sometimes stressful. Having a successful outcome is a matter of being patient and calm. Getting overwrought or angry yourself will solve nothing and will probably make your children emulate your behaviour in the future so the key is to try to be fair but firm and wait for the moment to pass.

July 14, 2017

Blog General Home News

[ssba-buttons]