National Grief Awareness Week 2nd – 8th December
In honour of National Grief Awareness Week 2020, we would like to highlight the importance of helping those who have lost a loved one or are living with grief.
Coronavirus has made supporting those who are grieving incredibly difficult and it has been an even more isolating and traumatic time for many. However, being socially distanced doesn’t mean grief has to be hidden away and dealt with alone: it is important for grief to be addressed and supported in any situation, ensuring that those grieving do not have to carry their burden silently. Grief may be a painful and uncomfortable topic to address in the open, but it is an essential part of processing loss: simply reaching out to talk will provide much-needed comfort and solace for someone going through a painful bereavement.
Wherever possible, always reach out to a loved one or friend who is experiencing grief and let them know they are not alone.
Here are a few ideas of ways to go about supporting someone in a kind and caring way:
- Get in touch:
This seems an obvious first step, but many people are afraid of saying the wrong thing and exacerbating their loved one’s pain. The truth is, saying nothing is the worst course of action and can leave the grieving feeling more isolated than ever. Whilst the pandemic has limited human contact, the power of picking up the phone or starting a thoughtful messaging conversation should never be underestimated. Take your lead from them and avoid trying to ‘fix’ their unhappiness or telling them that you ‘know their pain’: you cannot know how someone else is feeling, so instead listen without interrupting or judging. Getting grief out in the open is such a vital part of allowing someone to start processing their trauma.
- Maintain support:
Once you have reached out, always keep in mind that there is no fixed response for grief. One day they may be willing to open up and be vulnerable and the next they may lash out angrily or greet you with a cold front. No matter how they process their loss, it is important that you don’t take their reactions personally: let them know you are always there to listen and will not lose interest simply because they are not giving you the response you anticipated. Avoid asking them pressing questions or probing them for the answers that you are looking for, but rather support them consistently through accepting their emotional response to grief and letting them dictate the level of openness they are comfortable with.
- Practical help:
It is not uncommon for grief to drain a person’s energy and motivation. Easy daily tasks may become far more of an onerous chore for them, so an offer to do their grocery shopping, house tidying, dog walking or driving may be immensely appreciated. Keep an eye out for the areas of life they seem to be struggling with and if it seems appropriate (but not too invasive) you can offer your services to lighten their load. That being said, if they would prefer to keep busy through maintaining a daily routine, allow them to do so freely and refrain from attempting to manage their life or treat them as less capable: the aim is to help them feel stronger (not weaker) through their sadness.
- Remember there is no timeline:
It is all too easy to expect them to ‘improve’ with time and everyone awaits their return to ‘normal life’ after a year or so. Whilst time is of course a great healer, grief is not something to move on from and can be present with someone for a lifetime. Therefore, do not begin to lessen your support – especially at the time of this difficult pandemic – when they may be needing it more than ever. Grief is emotional and complex, so does not comply with outside expectations: don’t let them feel disconnected and alienated if any initial support fades away and remember that showing your recognition of their continued suffering can kickstart a desire to rebuild their life.
We hope these steps may help you improve your support of someone grieving and that during National Grief Awareness Week we can – despite the physical barriers imposed by the pandemic – collectively rally round those whose grief needs to be heard.
